Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
