I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
