is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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