I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
