you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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