My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
