I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
