dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
