She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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