I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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