i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
