you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
