Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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