Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
