I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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