i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
