They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
