When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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