Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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