Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
is it fun? or sober?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
