i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
