she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
