Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
