i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
