Your mouth is God's brothel.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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