i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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