If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
