good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
