why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
