as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
