This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
