My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
