last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
