I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
