it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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