Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
