stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
