Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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