i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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