Someone shit on the floor
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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