Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
