I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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