i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
