I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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