It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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