Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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