i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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