I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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