well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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