singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
