I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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