Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
