she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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