i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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