he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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