Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
