i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
